OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
