Whod you bang
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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