Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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