can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
