Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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