you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
