a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
