The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
