We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
