Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
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