i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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