hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
