McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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