There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
