dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
