it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
