I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
