where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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