Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
