Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(860): View more from Connecticut

my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.

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(518): View more from New York

After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"

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(904): View more from Florida

I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere

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(801): View more from Utah

I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.

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(253): View more from Washington

they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.

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(712): View more from Iowa

I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on

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(612): View more from Minnesota

is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?

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