I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
