also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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