ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
