Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
