Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
