I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
