I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
