i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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