I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
