Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
