last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
