your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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