There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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