You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
