WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
