i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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