4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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