So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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