Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
