i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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