i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
