i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
