Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
