if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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