Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
