Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
