k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She needs sedatives and a leash
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
