by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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