Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
