I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
